Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Just to see you smile

Happy 2 Months Mary Harper!
So it's not that I didn't like Mary Harper when she was a newborn of course...but I LOVE LOVE LOVE her at this new stage.  I mean, let's be honest.  Newborns aren't exactly the most entertaining creatures.  And it's not like she's juggling or putting on short plays for me now either.  But lately she's starting to smile more and more and that smile just makes me melt! 

I would say being a mommy has either become easier or more bearable - not sure which.  Ha!  I guess I was a bit naive about becoming a mom.  I mean, I knew sleep would be limited but I just always thought that newborns sleep all the time and I would just sleep when she did.  Oh how perfect that plan sounds...yet it doesn't seem to work out that way once your new alarm clock bundle of joy arrives. 

Let's just say an ounce of sleep deprivation, a cup of raging hormones and a pinch of non-stop crying is a great recipe for INSANITY!  Throw in a tough physical recovery from the labor/delivery and it gets even worse.  But of course babies are routinely called "a bundle of joy".  So when I wasn't exactly feeling the joy in not showering for three days, I felt kind of guilty.  When Josh went back to work, could actually leave the house and even still meet a friend for lunch if he wanted; I felt jealous and even resentful that his life wasn't altered near as much as mine by our new arrival.  And I'm sure Josh wasn't exactly humming "Joy to the World" as he watched his wife cry, his dog hide under the bed and his baby girl screaming bloody murder due to a tummy ache one night.

I know that there are women out there that arrived at the hospital to deliver their baby, they coughed and out came the most perfect baby that never cries and sleeps through the night on their first night home.  And to twist the knife even more, they are back in their "skinny" jeans when they leave the hospital.  But that was not me.  Yet I still feel so blessed everyday to have my little girl and love her just as much as those that got the hang of this parenting thing a bit faster than I did.  And perhaps even those moms that look like everything is perfect on the outside are having some of the same struggles and feelings I do too-but are just afraid to admit it. 

I really feel that if we all are a bit more candid and honest with each other about how hard the adjustment to mommyhood can be, it will make us all better friends, mentors, teachers and moms in the future. 

This experience has given me a whole new appreciation for single moms and those that don't have the support of two wonderful families and friends.  I can't imagine how much harder it would be without that network of support. 

So this post is for all my friends who are expecting or new moms like me. It's tough and you are not alone.  But while motherhood may be the hardest job in the world, it is also the most rewarding.  And boy, are those smiles worth it.