Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Just to see you smile

Happy 2 Months Mary Harper!
So it's not that I didn't like Mary Harper when she was a newborn of course...but I LOVE LOVE LOVE her at this new stage.  I mean, let's be honest.  Newborns aren't exactly the most entertaining creatures.  And it's not like she's juggling or putting on short plays for me now either.  But lately she's starting to smile more and more and that smile just makes me melt! 

I would say being a mommy has either become easier or more bearable - not sure which.  Ha!  I guess I was a bit naive about becoming a mom.  I mean, I knew sleep would be limited but I just always thought that newborns sleep all the time and I would just sleep when she did.  Oh how perfect that plan sounds...yet it doesn't seem to work out that way once your new alarm clock bundle of joy arrives. 

Let's just say an ounce of sleep deprivation, a cup of raging hormones and a pinch of non-stop crying is a great recipe for INSANITY!  Throw in a tough physical recovery from the labor/delivery and it gets even worse.  But of course babies are routinely called "a bundle of joy".  So when I wasn't exactly feeling the joy in not showering for three days, I felt kind of guilty.  When Josh went back to work, could actually leave the house and even still meet a friend for lunch if he wanted; I felt jealous and even resentful that his life wasn't altered near as much as mine by our new arrival.  And I'm sure Josh wasn't exactly humming "Joy to the World" as he watched his wife cry, his dog hide under the bed and his baby girl screaming bloody murder due to a tummy ache one night.

I know that there are women out there that arrived at the hospital to deliver their baby, they coughed and out came the most perfect baby that never cries and sleeps through the night on their first night home.  And to twist the knife even more, they are back in their "skinny" jeans when they leave the hospital.  But that was not me.  Yet I still feel so blessed everyday to have my little girl and love her just as much as those that got the hang of this parenting thing a bit faster than I did.  And perhaps even those moms that look like everything is perfect on the outside are having some of the same struggles and feelings I do too-but are just afraid to admit it. 

I really feel that if we all are a bit more candid and honest with each other about how hard the adjustment to mommyhood can be, it will make us all better friends, mentors, teachers and moms in the future. 

This experience has given me a whole new appreciation for single moms and those that don't have the support of two wonderful families and friends.  I can't imagine how much harder it would be without that network of support. 

So this post is for all my friends who are expecting or new moms like me. It's tough and you are not alone.  But while motherhood may be the hardest job in the world, it is also the most rewarding.  And boy, are those smiles worth it. 


Ryan and Michelle said...

Mary Kate, I just stumbled across your blog. I LOVE and appreciate your honesty! I have a 3 year old (with a 2nd on the way) and those first few months were far from glamourous and I felt so incredibly guilty having those thoughts! I do think we need to be more honest, supportive and realize that while we can be so thankful for the gift God has given, it is not always easy or enjoyable!

Carla said...

I honestly don't think I truly adjusted to motherhood until Jack was 18 months old and then I found out I was pregnant with Marshall when Jack was 22 months old and a whole new adjustment began...how to be pregnant and chase a toddler. Now Marshall is 1, Jack is almost 3 1/2 and I still haven't adjusted to life with 2 kids. You are not alone. Motherhood is a struggle with the best kind of reward. Love you and bet, no I know, you are a fabulous mommy.

Misty said...

MK, I have ALWAYS said that I'm not a "baby" person. I was never a person who gushed over babies or felt like I needed to hold a baby. Ha! The newborn phase is hard for me. It has taken me time with both girls to feel really bonded with them. I did not have that during pregnancy,at birth, or for several months for that matter. I felt guilty. I mean really who can bond when you are running on zero sleep and dealing with a crying baby? But it does get better as they get older. And before you know it your heart will be so full of love for your baby that it's scary. I LOVE your honesty. I absolutely love Maggie's age now. She is so much fun and says the funniest things.

Joni said...

That was the same way I felt with Reesi when Larry went back to work. Six years later dads still don't change their worlds around like moms do. Don't tell the dads, but the I think the kids love you more b/c of it. And I'm like Misty, not a baby person. They are so much more fun as they get older!

The Brummetts said...

Oh MK!! I so remember wheere you are now! Actually, I am laughing b/c I don't remember any of it! The first few months were so awful and such a blur! I remember thinking maybe we shouldn't have had kids!! I can admit that now. That is just the sleep deprivation talking! It gets better and better each day and I know things have and will for you too!

The Roper's said...

You are not alone honey! It is hard work!! Hang in there...seems like it gets a little easier around 3 months. And you do forget so much of those first few months.